Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Return of the King

No, I'm not talking about Aragorn. As you can probably guess from the picture.

I was in the kitchen, warming up leftovers in the microwave. Lasagna that I made earlier in the week. Yum.

Dave was in the sunroom. "Psst," he said, standing real still. "C'mere."

Molly was right there in the kitchen with me, so I figured it wasn't for some wanton sunroom nookie.

"Bring your camera," he added.

As I said, Molly was right there, so it couldn't have been for some kinky sunroom pornography.

While I was extricating my camera from my purse, Molly eased herself out into the sunroom. "Omigod!" she said. "He's back!"

I turned the camera on, slo-mo'd around the corner and there he was, right on the deck, licking up the spilled seed from the bird feeder. It was Woody the Woodchuck, king of the backyard. And has he ever grown!

For those of you who haven't known me for that long, Woody took up residence under our deck last year. You can read about it and see pictures of him here. And here.

We all stood and watched while his royal fatness sashayed down the steps, across the walk and through the little decorative fence into the flower bed. He moseyed around for a minute and then found some tasty plants and settled down to dinner.

"Let's go outside," Molly said, so she and Dave went out on the deck. Woody hurried over to the fence and paused, posing for me to take a few more pictures. But as the humans got closer, he motored back across the walk and disappeared under the deck with a flash of his furry tail.

Now I'm pondering. Do we dig out the Repels All and the ammonia-soaked rags and stuff them into Woody's hole? A lot of the discussion boards suggest human urine as a wild animal repellent, even for bears. Are you listening, Tartlet? Do I get Dave to go out there after dark and pee? Should I squat there myself?

Or do I follow the example of my Muddy buddy and leave the critter be? Of course Mud has a whole bunch of woodchucks in her backyard in spite of three dogs racing around peeing on everything. I don't think I want a whole bunch of woodchucks. Even calling them groundhogs and giving them cute names like Gus and Punxatawney Phil doesn't make them all that desirable.

For now, I guess we'll leave his chubby majesty alone. But if he starts burrowing in the flower beds, no guarantees.

Watch here for news of a royal beheading. :)


  1. "His royal fatness."


    I think we know what he's having for brekkie, so it'll be all over except for the crying by the time you investigate tomorrow morning. Good think the flower season is over, anyway. Oh, wait. That's mine. Doesn't yours go on until December or something?

    I would love to have seen you slo-mo'ing around the corner, Knees a-poppin' and back a-crackin'. I note that you didn't attempt to claim to have done this noiselessly. Next time, vid please.

    Interesting how youse guys have made the assumption that this amorphous blob (with a nod to Mud's thesaurus) that has doubled in size must be your previous visitor. I can't tell from the pics...does he have some distinctive tats somewhere? Perhaps a Joisey accent and an extra nipple? Do tell. :P

    And yes, I'm all for the peeing thing. Do the whole perimeter of the yard. With the amount of coffee you drink, I don't see this as being a challenge. Davey can keep you company. It's important for married couples to do things together, I hear. I have no idea if it's effective, but it's worth it for the amusement factor. Mine, not yours. And that's all that matters. :)

  2. LOL, Tartlet! But there's no way I'm gonna be squatting out there. Mother Nature doesn't wanna see my cootchie. And there are WAY too many mosquitoes out there this year.

    And we just ass+u+me he's the same one cuz he's using the same tunnel. And he's a lot bigger.


  3. Not to mention you don't want to be squatting bare-assed if he decides to defend his deck.

  4. I can see the headline now... "Woman sexually assaulted by groundhog." Gives me the creeps just thinking about it.

  5. First, what do you mean, my dogs pee everywhere. You can tell in the spring that the pee is where the dark area is near the deck. OK, so the deck is there, too, but still.

    I gave up. I worked in a botanical gardens terriorized by a large chuck we called Goldie. We couldn't win. Hot sauce only works if they don't like Mexican food, and it washes off in the rain. The stinky egg stuff also washes off and who wants flowers that smell like sulfur farts?
    Live trapping doesn't work well, either. We have gotten a skunk and a few possums. The chuck is too smart.

    Good luck, babe. You are officially the hostess with the mostest. Be glad it isn't a coon. They ate my old fishies.

  6. We've decided on a laissez-faire attitude for now. Come spring, we'll see how much damage King Woody does and take it from there.

    And yes, I'm very glad it isn't a coon. Would hate to have all the fishies gobbled up.