Saturday, February 26, 2011

Spawn of Satan

I might have mentioned a few weeks ago that the evil Mr. T has returned. After living with Molly for a couple of years, he's ba-a-ack. And I'm not happy.

Why are our pets always evil?

First we had Mickey, the Dalmatian from Hell. He bit people, mostly me, barked a lot, and shed evil dalmatian hair all over the house.

Now there's Mr. T. He bites, too, and poops big turtle poops. Nasty. And he eats live fish when he can find them. One year we let him out in the pond for the summer, and he bit every single leaf off the water lilies at the water line.

Evil, I say!

And expensive! He outgrew his first tank so we had to buy a new one, and now he destroys everything we put in--a floating shelf, the heater. But Dave keeps buying new stuff. The latest is a little penthouse where he can sun himself.

I've been trying to find someone who's driving down to Florida so they can release him into the wild. No takers yet. For some reason, everyone else in the family likes him. How can you be fond of a reptile? You can't pet him... he'd bite your finger. You can talk to him, but he doesn't respond. All he does is eat and sleep.

Next year we're probably going to Hilton Head for a week. My plan is to take him along and let him go.

Do you think he'd fit in my pocket?
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5 comments:

  1. First off, I was gonna give you hell for keeping him in such a small tank, until I realized that was simply the penthouse. LMAO!

    Secondly, I'm sure it's illegal to release these buggers, even if they're native to the area. For one thing, you'd have to do your research to ensure they're endemic plus needed. And that sounds like work.

    Plus, as he's not used to hunting, you could doom him to an unnecessarily slow and painful death, which is not something you could do. And he could disease the native population.

    "Gars, crows, mink, raccoons, otters and coyotes prey on adult sliders."
    I think an otter would be a welcome addition to your pond. And a gar. Just sayin'...

    Oh, and thirdly?
    I might not be as snippy if an invitation to Hilton Head had been forthcoming. I've always wanted to go. I might have brought my jacket with big, snowball stuffing sized pockets.

    *snort*

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  2. He had no trouble at all living in the pond for an entire summer. He'd hide whenever he saw us coming, afraid we were going to scoop him out and taking him back to his tank. I'm convinced he doesn't belong in a tank, even a 40 gal one. Think how much happier he'd be in the wild. :)

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  3. P.S. Hilton Head is probably next Jan. Your invitation is in the mail. :)

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  4. You could probably fit him in your pocket, but would he take a chunk out of your leg from there.

    He even looks evil in that bottom picture.

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  5. He'd never fit in pants pockets, and you're right, he'd take a chunk. Maybe a big coat pocket...

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