My tweets for the first half of February:4-Feb – Last day of freedom before MIL arrives to stay with us for 7 weeks. Last chance to lie around the house naked all day. Clothes off...
5-Feb – If I ever get so old I can't open a bottle of water myself, even after someone's already loosened the cap, just shoot me.
6-Feb – If I ever get so old that I shuffle in teeny tiny steps, not caring how many people are behind me trying to get by, just shoot me.
6-Feb – If I ever get so old that I talk whenever I want to, even if someone else is talking, just shoot me.
7-Feb – If I ever get so old that even a pet turtle can walk faster than I can, just shoot me.
7-Feb – If I ever get so old that taking my pills is the highlight of my day, just shoot me.
9-Feb – If I ever get so old that worrying about my bowels becomes the focus of my entire life, just shoot me.
9-Feb – I think a margarita for breakfast sounds like a fine idea. Limes are fruit, and it's five o'clock somewhere, right?
9-Feb – If I ever get so old that I can't even get my own lunch, just shoot me.
11-Feb – If I ever get so old that I won't shut the f*ck up when I find out I gained a few pounds, just shoot me.
11-Feb – If I ever get so old that I shuffle to a stop in a doorway and just stand there, blocking everyone from passing, just shoot me.
12-Feb – If I ever get so old that every thought that crosses my mind comes gushing out of my mouth like diarrhea, just shoot me.
12-Feb – If I ever get so old that I can't take a shower without my daughter or daughter-in-law helping me, just shoot me... PLEASE!!!!
12-Feb – If I ever get so old that I make my children feel guilty for not doing enough for me, just shoot me.
13-Feb – If I ever get so old that I have to eat pancakes with a spoon, just shoot me.
13-Feb – If I ever get so old I can't do ANYTHING for myself, not even warm up a plate of food in the microwave, just shoot me.
14-Feb – If I ever whine constantly so I can't hold a normal conversation, just shoot me. Oh, I'm doing that now? Crap, shoot me, PLEASE!
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