Friday, February 18, 2011

Just shoot me

My tweets for the first half of February:

4-Feb Last day of freedom before MIL arrives to stay with us for 7 weeks. Last chance to lie around the house naked all day. Clothes off...

5-Feb If I ever get so old I can't open a bottle of water myself, even after someone's already loosened the cap, just shoot me.

6-Feb If I ever get so old that I shuffle in teeny tiny steps, not caring how many people are behind me trying to get by, just shoot me.

6-Feb If I ever get so old that I talk whenever I want to, even if someone else is talking, just shoot me.

7-Feb If I ever get so old that even a pet turtle can walk faster than I can, just shoot me.

7-Feb If I ever get so old that taking my pills is the highlight of my day, just shoot me.

9-Feb If I ever get so old that worrying about my bowels becomes the focus of my entire life, just shoot me.

9-Feb I think a margarita for breakfast sounds like a fine idea. Limes are fruit, and it's five o'clock somewhere, right?

9-Feb If I ever get so old that I can't even get my own lunch, just shoot me.

11-Feb If I ever get so old that I won't shut the f*ck up when I find out I gained a few pounds, just shoot me.

11-Feb If I ever get so old that I shuffle to a stop in a doorway and just stand there, blocking everyone from passing, just shoot me.

12-Feb If I ever get so old that every thought that crosses my mind comes gushing out of my mouth like diarrhea, just shoot me.

12-Feb If I ever get so old that I can't take a shower without my daughter or daughter-in-law helping me, just shoot me... PLEASE!!!!

12-Feb If I ever get so old that I make my children feel guilty for not doing enough for me, just shoot me.

13-Feb If I ever get so old that I have to eat pancakes with a spoon, just shoot me.

13-Feb If I ever get so old I can't do ANYTHING for myself, not even warm up a plate of food in the microwave, just shoot me.

14-Feb If I ever whine constantly so I can't hold a normal conversation, just shoot me. Oh, I'm doing that now? Crap, shoot me, PLEASE!
.

4 comments:

  1. Oh, man.....
    More than one of those applies to me.
    Crap.
    Sh*t.
    That was Feb. 9, wasn't it???
    Could be ennyday.

    Anyhoooo...

    *BANG*

    just for you.

    I'll miss you.
    :'(

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  2. LOL, tartlet, I don't think you're annoyingly old yet. And thanks for the thought. Between the two old bats in my life, I might soon be begging you to come do it for real. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. No guns over here, that I own anyway. I can offer you a rainwater barrel to try to drown yourself in.

    Let me know.

    ReplyDelete
  4. No rainwater barrels around here... breeding ground for mosquitoes. I'll take it... how much do you think it'll cost to ship it here?

    ReplyDelete